I don’t want anyone else to feel alone like I did, transgender firefighter Nic Brennan tells William Murphy
Two minutes into my conversation with Cheshire firefighter Nic Brennan and he’s already advising me on my new year’s gym routine. “You’ve got to focus on different muscle groups in each session and stick to a set routine if you want to see results”, he tells me. If anyone is living proof of a good gym routine to build muscle, it’s Nic.
Growing up
Nic felt out of place in his body while growing up. Now he knows he suffered from the anxiety disorder Gender Dysphoria, a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity. Nic was born female but from a very early age identified as male, resulting in being very isolated, angry and uncomfortable growing up, and continuing into adulthood.
Transgender people have a higher profile now than ever before. British actor Eddie Redmayne was nominated for his second Oscar this year for portraying artist Lili Elbe, the first person to ever undergo gender reassignment, and the BBC soap EastEnders have introduced the character Kyle, played by a transgender actor. The fire service has its own transgender story to tell.
“Writing my own name and ticking the female gender box felt so wrong”, Nic says, recalling how he signed up to become a firefighter at Cheshire Fire and Rescue Service in 2001. “I didn’t know that I was transgender at the time. I just knew that I wasn’t who I was supposed to be.”
Due to this inner conflict Nic found himself isolated and frustrated at work, which often resulted in outbursts of anger. Others may have seen him as the only female firefighter posted at Stockton Heath fire station. But to Nic, he too was one of the male firefighters.
Lightbulb moment
It was more than seven years after he joined the service that Nic learned what the word transgender meant. “It was a lightbulb moment. I had figured out the root of the problem and knew there was somewhere I fitted in. I remember saying out loud for the first time ‘I am transgender’ and thinking to myself that this was the most momentous moment of my life.”
Transitioning from one gender to another is difficult and stressful in any workplace. But is it any harder to transition in a male dominated workplace, such as the fire and rescue service?
“Like everyone who has gone on this journey I found it difficult but I couldn’t have wished for better treatment from my workmates. I was initially hesitant to come out for fear of not being understood. I thought being transgender would be seen as too much of a problem and I wouldn’t be accepted at all. I worried that I’d be dismissed or harassed out of the job I loved if people knew. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
"I AM FINALLY LIVING MY LIFE AS WHO I AM MEANT TO BE, NOT JUST EXISTING"
Despite beginning his transition, having undergone a double mastectomy to remove his breasts and taking injections of the male hormone testosterone – causing him to grow facial hair and his voice to deepen - Nic still hadn’t told his employers or colleagues. It all came to a head when he was called into a meeting with his station manager. “He referred to my pre-transition name and I just lost it. He got both barrels. I just blurted it out because I was so frustrated.”
Expecting the worst, Nic was surprised when his manager’s first reaction was to make sure he got all the help and support he needed. Cheshire’s equalities and diversity officer was in almost daily contact with him and when Nic needed time off to complete his surgeries he was granted it no questions asked.
A long journey
After coming out as transgender, Nic spent a further six months at the same station where although he felt more at ease, there were times when colleagues would mistakenly refer to Nic as ‘she’ or ‘her’. “I could understand why people would get confused as it takes time to adapt. However I felt a fresh start at another station would be the best move”, Nic says.
Joining Runcorn fire station in 2011, Nic was able to be his true self from the outset. Although his new colleagues were informed of his situation and were introduced to what being transgender meant, they had never known Nic other than the man he is today.
Nowadays, Nic is able to be completely open with his workmates. “It has been a long journey but I have some of the best workmates possible. At this point they’re family to me. I am finally living my life as who I am meant to be, not just existing.”
Nic strongly believes there is an urgent need for transgender role models and if he can fill that void, then so be it. He wants other transgender people to know there are positive stories of people transitioning in the fire and rescue service, and says that if he had known about the positive experiences of others himself it may have made his journey easier.
“When I first began my transition I felt too afraid to ask for help. I don’t want anyone else to feel alone like I did”.
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If you are struggling with any of the issues raised in this article you can get confidential help and advice from the FBUs LGBT section. Pat Carberry: 07825 878 885. Yannick Dubois: 07824 319 545
